How to Save Your Sex Life After You’ve Moved in With Your Boyfriend
Prior to the big move-in date, I had eight months to mentally prepare for my new live-in relationship. This would be the first time I moved in with a boyfriend. To mentally prepare I read a couple of self-help books. I knew it was time to let go of all lingering selfish ways and move in a true team player. I even sought advice from friends that had already endured this situation; I needed tips on how to keep the relationship running smoothing. But, none of this prepared me for the sexual dysfunction that began between my boyfriend and me. Not to brag, however in the sex department I’ve never had any issues. Now that I moved in with my boyfriend, I’m receiving complaints. Did moving in together curse our relationship? Am I not sexy anymore? So many thoughts ran through my mind. But, I had to stop thinking and start seeking ways to save our sex life – asap.
I was prepared for the urine he’d leave on the toilet seat and willing to just clean the toilet daily. However, I am not willing to have a boring sex life- no way! I thought with the freedom to have sex anytime we wanted our sexual spark would remain. Yet, it only became complicated. Here’s the issues I’m having with sex in my live-in relationship and the steps I’ve been taking to fix them.
In the case of sleep vs sex, sleep always wins.
We are both guilty of always choosing to sleep over sex. This decision is never unanimous. It’s always one person is in the mood for sex and the other person is too tired. For example, after I’ve spent 8 hours writing and staring into a computer screen, I want to lay down and close my eyes – untouched. Well this is usually around the time he gets home from the gym, fully energized and ready to go at it. We used to have a connection with timing sex, now we have to ask: “Do you feel like having sex?”
We both decided to face the reality that our sex time frames have changed. When we lived separately we would get all of our work, errands, and naps done before meeting up with each other. Even though we live together now we must keep that same rhythm. Throughout the day I’ll text and get a feel of his schedule. Then I’ll align my schedule to his, and in a sexy way I’ll let him know that by 9:10 pm (or whatever time is appropriate) he’s all mine. This also gives him a warning to leave me alone until then. We don’t argue, we stay on schedule and go at it when it’s time.
He said: “It’s boring when I can predict every position and when you’re about to climax.”
Now that roommates with big nosey dogs are a thing of our past. We have the freedom to get as loud as we want, and do whatever we want during sex. Unfortunately, we seemed to have forgotten this big detail our first few weeks of living together. My boyfriend and I were having sex more often but doing the same routine – and sex became boring.
We have an entire apartment to ourselves now – no need to have sex only on the bed. And, there are more ways to use the bedroom for sexual pleasure. I decided to spice it up in the bedroom and use toys for assistance. I realized we had both never did any bondage type of activity. So, I figured now was the perfect time to start. When I schedule our sexual activities, sometimes I turn our entire apartment into a freaky fantasy. I use the Deluxe Furry Gold Cuffs, Love Maskand Ankle Cuffs in the bedroom and that room turns into a domination cage. I run us a bath and candles are lit too. But, not just any candles. I use the edible body candles to have even more fun. Throwing new routines and toys into rotation is keeping our sex drive flourishing.
We’re too comfortable with each other now and quite frankly I think he’s gross.
Every time he gropes me, right after I’ve just finished cleaning up something gross he left behind- I cringe. Maybe me cleaning turns him on. However, at that point the last thing I want is for him to touch me. All I want is an explanation from him, and his mother on why he wasn’t taught better about cleanliness. I swear, dirty socks are everywhere but where they should be. He even had the nerve to make a cleanliness comment about me. While we were dating and living separately I kept my distance during my time of the month. Well, now that I don’t have distance, there will be dirty tampons in the trash or blood-stained panties in the dirty laundry. Apparently, those findings jaded his sexual desires with me. It’s my womanly nature – get over it.
To be completely honest with you, this issue is still very much a work in progress. It has been hard breaking habits amongst the both of us. But, I started with calling his mother for advice. She recommended that I stopped cleaning up after him for a couple of days. She told me that he’s always lacked cleaning up after himself, but hates living in filth- so eventually he’ll start. I did just that and sure enough he saw his flaws and since been making an effort to change. I also realized that maybe women are just immune to the sight of period blood. I can see why the sighting of it, would freak a man out. So, I’ve been emptying the trash more when on my cycle and hiding my blood- stained panties.
Our sex life isn’t back perfect, but it’s damn sure on the way. When preparing for this live-in relationship I had it right about working on being a team-player. With that mentality, there’s no issue that a couple can’t work through. I hope this article helps a couple in need. Sexual frustration in a relationship can be awful – but there’s always a way to fix it.