Pregnancy Sex Sucks (at least for me)

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and let me tell you, pregnancy sex sucks. At least for me. Let’s back up, so I can tell you what is going on….. Last year I turned thirty and in every birthday card I read something along these lines: “congrats you made it to 30 without kids.” Honestly, I had not thought about being child-free. I was just proud to be thirty and able to pay rent in Los Angeles, California on time without a phone call to my mom and dad (unlike a few of my friends.) But, hey, if not having a human growing inside of me yet is another milestone- I’ll take it!

Fast-forward a few months into thirty: I’m still madly in love with my boyfriend and we decided to spend this year being spontaneous. Frequent vacationing, bucket list activities and tequila was our lifestyle. Then, BOOM! I have two pink lines on a stick telling me my whole life was about to change. Well, it was actually confirmation- weird things were already starting to happen.

Such as: 

  • My boobs were larger, and my nipples were extremely sensitive; like too sensitive for any pleasure. 
  • Liquor was no longer my dancing fuel, it became my sleeping medicine. It only took one drink for my eyelids to get heavy. 
  • I did not want to have sex. My sex-drive was suddenly non-existent.  

Number three baffled me because I was under the impression that pregnancy cranked up a sex drive. I also thought that during pregnancy I was going to have some of the best sex ever. I thought wrong. In my case, this pregnancy was the total opposite of almost everything I thought I knew sexually about pregnancy.

I found out I was pregnant near the end of my first trimester. I noticed how much I dreaded being poked by a penis on the late night. So, I did some research and I read that typically during the first- trimester women lose their sex drive. A pregnant woman’s sex drive is overshadowed by constant nausea and fatigue. This was me. I was constantly tired. Being rocked back and forth while having sex was no fun for me either; it made me feel sick. Giving head was even worse. I’m surprised I managed not to vomit several times while giving head in the first trimester. 

My boyfriend began to get a little frustrated. He was tense and agitated all of the time. He would pick arguments with me over the simplest things (like eating his last pop-tart). I knew it was the lack of sex though. I just didn’t have the energy to even try to fix it during that time. 

“They,” say your sex drive will get better in the second trimester. They, being my high school friends on Facebook I found in this pregnancy group, who are all on their second and third round of maternity. Therefore, I told my boyfriend to hang in there, this dry spell would be over soon. However, my experience was different (go figure.) The nausea did stop, and I could handle the motions of sex better. But, there wasn’t any pleasure in intercourse it was only pain. The entry of his penis created a burning sensation which only heightened as intercourse movements began. This pain became unbearable. Sex had come to a halt, again… 

I was beyond confused at this point. Too confused to even google it. I called my doctor about it. I could tell she wasn’t expecting this question on the emergency line. But, she was polite and assured me that this pain was normal. She explained that while pregnant your veins are more exposed. Especially below the waist and in the vagina due to a large and growing uterus applying pressure down there. It all made sense; yet, still, it didn’t. I did notice a few bright blue veins making an appearance in my lower-body area, so I was sure there were some in my vagina as well. However, why did I have to be the prego one with sex and protruding vein issues? I waited until I was thirty, remember? The universe owed me good-sex for that at least!

There was no set time on when these veins would go back to normal. And, I knew the larger my belly grew the more uncomfortable sex might become. I had to find other ways to please my man’s sexual needs. I needed to figure this out quickly too he was starting to become reckless and not care about jacking off in front of me or hide his porn. Side note: seeing his porn categories really hurt my pregnant feelings. They were nothing like me- not even close to my physique! This painful- pregnancy sex situation was spiraling out of control.  

Here’s what I did to fix it:  

  • Massages: I rubbed his back every night. Sometimes he went to sleep and sometimes he became aroused. When the arousal came … (see number two)
  • Head, head and more head: This is pretty self- explanatory. Your jaws will not be happy with you, but at least you won’t have a grumpy man stomping around the house. 
  • Porn: Occasionally I would play porn (approved by me) on our big screen and give him head while it’s on.
  • Lubricant: This was a suggestion from my doctor. She advised me getting a water-based lubricant to help ease the pain; which actually did help. I would give head first though and make sure he was minutes away from ejaculation. Then I would let him enter my vagina and pile on the lubricant. Any session of this that lasted five minutes or less was perfect. 
  • I bought a jack-off toy for me to use on him. The Tenga Cup comes with lube inside, feels close-ish to me and didn’t gross me out by looking like a vagina. It made my forearm hurt, but it gave my jaw a break.

But, now we’re at trimester three and I’m so horny!

My sex drive is back, and the pain isn’t that bad anymore. However, at 36 weeks I’ve gained 50lbs and my boyfriend is scared to touch me for these reasons:

  • I can’t reach or see my vagina; therefore, my vagina has not had any shaving maintenance done to it, in a long-time. 
  • I can’t breathe when laying on my back, so positions for sex are limited, and he has to do the majority of the work. He is always complaining about leg cramps. 
  • I can still do his favorite position, which is doggy style, but being pregnant creates a vast amount of gas in your stomach. Holding this gas in is unattainable and when in doggy style position- the gas is sure to come out. 
  • He’s scared to hurt the baby. 

What more can I say? Pregnancy sex has sucked so far. Luckily, I’m almost at the finish line. 

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T. Rogers

T. Rogers is a reader by day and writer by night. With over 7 years of content writing, she continues to prevail in her world of sour patch kids, expensive shoes and awkward moments that spark her courage to tell the greatest stories never told.