I don’t have a degree in psychiatry, and not every decision I make in relationships is the best. But, I know a thing or two about men and their behavior. I mean, I’ve been obsessed with them ever since I watched Zach Morris smirk and stroll down the hallways of Bayside High in the early ‘90s. Unfortunately, my dear friend Tasha has yet to trust my male instincts and advice. She’s currently in a relationship that involves a sex routine of her giving head to her boyfriend (faithfully) during intercourse, but not receiving head from him in return. You read that correctly. Tasha has yet to receive head aka cunnilingus from her boyfriend. They’ve been dating for ten months now. Do you see a problem with this?
I do; I see it vividly. If your boyfriend isn’t giving you head during sex but still expects you to give it- he’s not completely invested in the relationship. He does not see this relationship as a long-lasting commitment. This is my opinion and so far, my friend Tasha’s relationship is proving me right. Whether you agree or disagree with my statement, hear me out as I explain Tasha’s unfortunate lack of head and decide for yourself.
Tasha is dating Nick. Nick is a very sweet guy. He’s been a gentleman to Tasha this entire time. He has a meek personality around me and the other girls. He doesn’t require much attention either. I’m still able to regularly hang out with Tasha; she not” boo’d” up all the time. But, Nick has some growing up to do before he will ever be able to completely satisfy my dear friend.
When they first began dating, they agreed to hold off on sex. These two lovers actually completed the three-month rule. Which means three full months of dating was completed before they had sexual intercourse. I was impressed; a round of applause to Nick for taking the time to properly court my friend before diving in her pants. They made it official and became a couple after the three months. Perfect love story? Not at all. Their first-time having sex, Tasha was expecting them to go all the way, but, Nick did not return the pleasure of giving Tasha head.
Tasha let it go. She thought, maybe he was too excited and did not mean to skip it- it just happened.Well, the third time, fifth time, eighth, and so on went by … head still was only given by Tasha, and not Nick.
Side note:Oral sex doesn’t have to be performed to have good sex. However, if you’re having sex with your boyfriend and want head- head is what you should receive.
There was no ignoring or moving on this time. When Tasha mentioned this issue to me I immediately told her this wasn’t a good a sign.
“Are you sure he wants head? Maybe oral sex isn’t his thing,” I said
“Umm.. pretty sure he loves getting head. He basically puts his d*ck in my mouth” she replied.
In that case I suggested that she just simply asks him, why he doesn’t give her head. There’s no point in us sitting around guessing. She should be straight with him and ask him: when does he plan on giving her head. Nick’s response when Tasha asked him was he isn’t comfortable yet. Tasha accepted that excuse. I couldn’t. I warned her that this relationship will be a waste of her time and this was a red flag. She is his girlfriend. She washed his clothes, ate dinner and slept with him every night. How much more comfortable did he need to get? Tasha disagreed with my advice and the relationship continued. More months had passed by, and Tasha met Nick’s parents. She even went on their family vacation to the Hamptons and made cookies with his grandma … still no head from nick, though.
Tasha tried hard not to complain. But during this particular ladies’ night, we all had really good sex stories to share, and she couldn’t hold her frustrations in any longer. She wanted head and she wanted it from Nick now. I told her it was time to address the issue again and this time express her frustration.
His answer this time was that he thinks the vagina is gross and did not like putting his mouth down there. Tasha was uneasy about this.Onlybecause his story changed, and she knew she’d have to come to the realization that she may never get head from her boyfriend Nick. However, I saw deeper issues from his answer, that alerted a great deal of immaturity from Nick. Nick is body shaming the composition of a woman. If he couldn’t appreciate his woman’s vagina he didn’t fully appreciate her. His comment was disrespectful in my opinion. Let’s not forget he still wanted a mouth on his genitals. This was selfishness and immaturity. Tasha accepting this from him is only showing insecurities within her. Why are blow jobs glorified and accepted more than oral sex on a vagina? Both of these genital areas do the same job.
Nick referring to Tasha’s vagina as “gross” has subconsciously led her to believe something is wrong with her and her body. She’s now overly concerned about what she’s eating to assist her vagina’s smell and taste. She has also bought creams, gels, and been to vaginal steaming treatments to prove her vagina is okay and ready for oral stimulation. Nick still has no intentions of pleasing her in that way as they approach a year of dating. Did I mention they are above the age thirty as well? I’ve explained to Tasha that this is a deal breaker and only the beginning of selfish acts and unhappiness. But as I mentioned earlier on, my advice doesn’t suffice with Tasha in this situation.
Would you take my advice? Or stay and try to salvage your relationship, sacrificing your sexual desires like Tasha?