Will You Date Someone with a High Number of Sexual Partners?

I’m currently the only one out of my girl gang with a taken status. So, by default, I now have the job of sorting through my boyfriend’s eligible friends for possible double dates. I enjoy matchmaking, so I don’t mind it at all. But this past weekend my “job” caused a ruckus. I was in the process of scoping out one of my boyfriend’s buddies during game night. I asked if he would be interested in meeting one of my friends. I had shown off her Instagram and did my spill about her career and philanthropy highlights… and, you’ll never guess what his response was. He said: “all of that is cool, but I’m more concerned about how many sexual partners she’s had.” I thought to myself he can’t be serious. But, unfortunately, he was. 

Obviously, this was a mistake on my behalf and I was trying to hook her up with the wrong guy. But, the fact that there are still men who care about a woman’s number of sexual partners bothered me. Do women still care, too?I know I don’t. I wasn’t letting this go either. I needed valid answers on why the number of sexual partners a person has had is important. It’s safe to say I was uninvited by my boyfriend to his game nights after this discussion. I had a mouth full to say back to his douchebag friend. I wasn’t the only one either, a few other ladies at game night chimed in too. Here’s what the males and females at game night had to say about how the number of sexual partners a person has had before them affects their interest. 

I started the debate by asking everyone; what is the exact number of sexual partners considered normal at this age?

Everyone there was in their early to mid- ‘30s. Most of us had already finished college phases, some were married or engaged, and a few couples had children. So, at this point in our lives, what number is appropriate? Douchebag friend tried to put a gender on it, saying that men should be at a certain number and women should be at another. He was dismissed by the majority of everyone from the conversation- immediately. This immature double standard that girls are “easy” if they have a high number, but boys with high numbers are cool will no longer be tolerated. Moving on… 

Every last person, male and female gave a different number. No conclusion was made (which proved my point.) If there isn’t an exact, universal number of partners we should have by this age, any number said is just an opinion. Take a wild guess at what I suggest you should do with opinions.

I then asked, if the number is high what does that mean to you?

Answer #1:A male stated, that it means the girl makes poor choices. But, when asked about his number…. *crickets *

Answer #2:My boyfriend’s best friend said, “I was in this situation before, trying to get over the sexual history of a girl I was interested in. Eventually I ended us, because I think anyone with that high of a number doesn’t associate sex with love and that is a problem for me.” Honestly, I could see his point. Especially since I know he’s the type that wants an emotional connection in bed. But, in her defense what if that high number accumulated only during a certain phase of her life. Her perspective on sex could be different now. Women are forever evolving. I bet her hair color is different now too. 

Answer #3:“It’s just embarrassing and could cause conflict with people that know her past” – another male. So basically, he’s insecure and not ready for a real relationship. When you’re truly in love, you love that person for who they are (flaws and all.) Fu*k what anybody else thinks. 

Answer #4:My boyfriend decided to make a statement … or announcement I’m not quite sure what he was doing besides embarrassing me. He yells out: “I don’t care about her number of sexual partners because I know for a fact it can’t be worse than mine.” Umm thanks, honey.Even though I don’t hold his promiscuous past against him. I’ll admit it’s still something I can’t forget. Not because I haven’t tried, but because we’re always running into a woman he’s slept with. He’s been popular from playing basketball ever since middle school. His athletic shape, his heart of gold and gift of gab has been a chic magnet ever since we were kids. Literally, women of all ages constantly throw themselves at him. I’m exhausted from putting women in their place. 

So, I did not need to be reminded of that at this moment. But at least he was the only man there willing to admit that he has a high number and it’s not fair to only judge a woman’s number. Looks like I picked the best one out of that group of friends. Kudos babe, I was getting nervous. 

Answer #5:My boyfriend’s sister was at game night. After his statement, she admitted that she has a problem dating a man with a high number of sexual partners. She then stated it’s only a problem if he’s still, highly sexually active around the time they meet. But, if he has a promiscuous past and more judicious about who he sleeps with presently that’s fine. I don’t necessarily agree with this, but I also don’t disagree. The older we get the less drama we tolerate. Sleeping with many females at once will bring drama and who’s to say it will all vanish the moment he decides to be monogamous with you. 

The only way that I could agree with someone being uneasy about a person’s number of sexual partners would be due to health reasons. Nobody wants to catch an STD. But, that can all be solved with a simple test before you begin being sexually active.My boyfriend and I took one before jumping in bed. It’s a very common and necessary action that all couples should do to keep safe. 

Therefore, ladies never let your number of sexual partners define you or your new relationship. If he has an issue with it, don’t waste another number on him just move on. And, as the girlfriend of a previous male whore (no shade babe), my advice is don’t let his past and number of sexual partners define your relationship with him either. The moral of the story is f*ck numbers. Let love and only love guide you. 

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T. Rogers

T. Rogers is a reader by day and writer by night. With over 7 years of content writing, she continues to prevail in her world of sour patch kids, expensive shoes and awkward moments that spark her courage to tell the greatest stories never told.