Are You Devastated Because He Didn’t Finish?

Stop overthinking last night’s failed efforts to take your man to his peak. Delayed and failed ejaculations are surprisingly normal. I know, we all think of our vaginas as a magical realm that has the ability to get us whatever we want. I’m sorry to break this news to you. But, in reality, our vaginas will not get an ejaculation from a man every time we seek it. However, find peace in the fact that the delayed or failed ejaculation from your partner could be inevitable at times and not your fault at all. 

I tried telling my friend this same thing. But, she just would not listen. The ego in her vagina had the best of her. After two attempts in a week’s span of intercourse, she could not get her boyfriend to ejaculate. Intercourse was extended and unbearable each time. She told me her vagina was on fire and her legs had completely given out on her. She had no choice but to go back to oral a couple of times to give herself a break. But even with oral- he did not have an orgasm. This confused her and sent her into a spiraling insecure frenzy, which only made the situation worse. 

Against my persistent advice to chill and not take it personally. She did the exact opposite and sent her boyfriend countless text messages prying at infidelities. He ignored her (which really pissed her off) so she hacked his social media accounts looking for answers. She blamed her performance in bed too. I swear she must’ve googled causes of vaginal dryness and diagnosed herself with at least three disorders that week. 

The next week was hard to witness. She accused her faithful boyfriend of six years (so close to that engagement ring) of cheating with his co-worker. She went up to his job unannounced and caused a scene confronting him and the alleged mistress. Okay, in her defense, they were in a secluded office with the blinds closed and too close for comfort when she stormed in. But, other than that she had no concrete evidence he was cheating on her. She only had assumptions that formed on their own from him not ejaculating two times during their six years together. The boyfriend ended that relationship and I don’t blame him. 

There are numerous reasons as to why a man may have a delayed or failed ejaculation. Numerous reasons, that have nothing to do with cheating, the female’s body or performance. If this has happened or is currently happening to you let’s evaluate the entire situation. One of these common causes to delayed ejaculation could be the real reason for this awkward sex night. Take a gander at these reasons before you begin to spiral like my friend. 

Was he under the influence of alcohol or drugs while having sex?

One or two alcoholic beverages should be fine to partake in before having sex. Actually, anything within his limit is fine. But, when he’s over his limit and downright drunk. You should already prepare for a delay in ejaculation. Although you two may have an extra fun night – the ending may not be so pleasant for him. It’s been proven that high alcohol content will delay ejaculation. There’s no need to stop his fun as long as he’s in safe parameters. And, there’s no need to blame yourself that night if high alcohol consumption is in the equation.  

Also, other drugs, mainly anti-depressantshave been proven to delay ejaculation in men. These drugs can even affect the arousal in men, too. Take this into account if your boyfriend is currently taking these prescriptions as well. 

He could be too excited. 

Usually, excitement would cause for an early (and annoying) ejaculation. But, sometimes excitement leads to anxiety and will have a reverse effect. He could be too anxious about his performance and cause himself to not ejaculate. A man’s mental space during sex has been proven to affect the way his body performs during sex. So, ask yourself a few questions such as: Are you arguing? Is he depressed? Is he trying too hard to impress you? All of these questions should be considered when the grand finale of your sexual escapade doesn’t go according to plan. If you reallywant to help him ejaculate, check your attitude too. Consider what you might be doing to cloud his mental space during sex. 

Age is only a number; but not when it comes to ejaculation.

Get ready; this reason might put your panties in a bunch. As women we spend most of our dating years frustrated and waiting for men to mature. We need them to mature to be a suitable partner in a relationship. But, while we’re waiting on them to age and become responsible men, we’re also lessening the chances of ejaculations. As men age it’s more common for them to have delayed ejaculation. So not fair! But studies show that this reason is valid. Also, with aging men need more stimulation to become aroused. 

The way I see it, this leaves us with two options ladies. Either we step up our sex performance to stimulate him more. Which isn’t a huge problem, we age like wine and get better with time. Adding a few bedroom accessories like lubricants, vibrators, and lingerie to get the job done is an easy fix too. Or, we could ignore the delayed ejaculation and just make sure we get ours (shrugs). If he was ejaculating too quickly, that would be an even worse issue, right? 

If he’s delayed or unable to finish a few times don’t make a big deal of it. I know we aim to please and it’s a hard pill to swallow when sex doesn’t turn out the way we wanted. But, remember it’s not our fault. Consider these reasons I listed and work on realistic ways to not let it happen again. 

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T. Rogers

T. Rogers is a reader by day and writer by night. With over 7 years of content writing, she continues to prevail in her world of sour patch kids, expensive shoes and awkward moments that spark her courage to tell the greatest stories never told.