I was a sophomore in college, and actually starting to enjoy my daytime routine of classes, deadlines, and never- ending walks across campus. However, it was the after- class hours that I despised. Cold weather was approaching (aka cuddle season where college nights warp into movies and making out) and most of my friends had already claimed their boyfriends for the season. It seemed like everyone had plans with a boy in the evening – but me. I had absolutely no boy of interest at the time. Therefore, I spent my evenings accompanied by loud music, dancing and drinks; I went out to bars almost every night.
This was the only way I saw fit to fix my loneliness – and it did. I met my first big crush at the bar during this time. He was always in the bars, like me, because he was the most popular dj on campus. When he finally started to like me back, it was unfortunately everything I neverwanted. My hopeful romance soon resulted in me frantically running home, with a bag full of high heels vowing to never step foot in his dorm room again.
After noticing him twice in the bar, I quickly fell for his charm, and ability to make me dance every night. He wasn’t the best-looking … although he did have crispy white teeth and an amazing athletic physique. I wasn’t sure how often he went to the gym, but he would always post a topless progress report every Thursday on Facebook.
Facebook also taught me that he was perfect hubby material. He made a promise to his dying grandma that he would attend church every Sunday and volunteer with their music ministry. He learned how to play the piano at age five, and been in love with music ever since (yes, this too was all learned from Facebook). Every Sunday he kept that promise to his grandma by volunteering with a church’s music ministry – and made a Facebook status about it after. This had to mean he was a good wholesome guy. So, I nicknamed him hubby crush.
I could not wait to take hubby crush home for the holidays and brag about his Sunday attendance over the dinner table to my parents. I just knew that would erase the credit card debt memories my parents recently had to rescue me from. Then I would become the favorite daughter again. Sadly, that moment never happened because he was nothing like I had imagined. Where shall I begin …
I’ll start with the first time we had a conversation longer than fifteen seconds. It was a cold rainy Thursday night, which meant the bar wasn’t crowded. Nobody wanted to risk catching a cold or slipping on ice. But, it was the second month of this crush and I was giving it my all. In the rain, I cat walked into the bar that night. Wearing my 6-inch Alexander Wang red pumps and took a seat at the bar right next to the dj’s booth. Hubby crush approached me and complimented my shoes. Then he said, “You look familiar, where do I know you from?” WTF I literally follow you around campus to every bar, every week, is what I wanted to say.
But, I replied, “Oh, I think we’re Facebook friends.”
Hubby crush led a good small talk amongst us. He ordered us drinks and my filter vanished shortly after. I let him know exactly how much I appreciated his white teeth and topless photos on Thursdays. Luckily, he was tickled by my honestly. We exchanged numbers and he invited me to meet him at another bar the next night.
So, Friday night I was right back at it. Due to his numerous shoe compliments, I sensed that he appreciated nice shoes. Therefore, I wore my pink bedazzled Jeffrey Campbell boots and spent the entire time in the dj booth by his side. When the bar ended I went back to his place and that’s when the weirdness began.
When we entered his place, I started to take my heels off and he suddenly shrieked, “No please keep those on.” My feet were throbbingbut, I didn’t make a fuss about it, I just had a seat on his bed. Next, he asked if I could model my shoes for him.
“I just really adore your style and want to see you walk in those heels,” he said.
I did it- hesitantly. He started to play my favorite song and it became a little less awkward, but still weird nonetheless. After my “modeling” was done he stated he had to get up early in the morning and asked me to leave so he could get some rest.
I wasn’t sure how to feel and too embarrassed to tell my friends the truth. I lied and told them that we watched movies and talked. The next night it was the same thing. I left the bar with him, modeled my shoes, then left. Over the next couple of weeks, we texted in depth throughout the entire day – never mentioning our night activities. The only thing he mentioned about our nights was a recommendation on what shoes I should wear to the bar. I would always follow his requests hoping that I would at least land a kiss after my modeling that night.
My friends were getting suspicious of my lame night visits, and I was completely out of movie titles to lie and say I watched with him. Hubby crush had become exhausting and I was just about done with the entire situation. I sent him a text: “Hey this stupid modeling is causing blisters and I need to know if you even like me. There is no affection for me –only my damn shoes. Let me know that the deal is!!” He responded with an apology and offered to make it up to me that night with dinner and a foot massage. Then he requested that I bring three pairs of pumps over.
Still eerie, but naïve I followed his instructions. This visit was indeed different. This time he asked me to take off my shoes and immediately started giving me a foot massage. He kissed me too. Dinner was even great. I was blown away by how good he could cook. He asked if I wanted to stay the night and watch movies. Of course, I did! I wanted to shower before I laid in his bed, so he gave me a t-shirt and pair of basketball shorts to put on when I got out. Hubby crush was back.
I guess he didn’t hear the shower cut off or my footsteps approaching because when I walked back into the room I saw him jacking off to the three pairs of heels I brought over (or maybe his sick shoe fetish didn’t let him care.) He had two pairs of shoes sitting at eye-level on his dresser. Then I saw one pump, which was a Christian Louboutin, in his left hand and his penis in the right. I screamed, “WTF! Get your nasty ass away from my Louboutins.” I quickly snatched my heels, packed my bag and ran out of that room like my life depended on it. The only thing I remember him saying as I fled was: “I didn’t get them dirty.” How gross!
I stayed completely out of the clubs until winter break ended that year. I eventually told my friends and they couldn’t stop laughing. To this day I don’t think I’ve finished telling them the entire story, because they interrupt by laughing every time. I still seen him at campus bars, too. He would always speak and compliment my shoes every chance he got. And that sums up my first big crush- go figure.