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6 Ways A Threesome Could Ruin Your Relationship

Your boyfriend has mentioned having a threesome quite often lately. You’re not against having one-you’re actually curious about how it may feel– and threesomes always look like fun in pornos. So, despite the judgment you may receive from your friends (it’s your relationship and none of their business anyway); you finally said “yes.” Now what? Well, don’t be mistaken, you are saying yes to more than a good orgasm. Most couples don’t realize the rules and regulations that need to be discussed before the threesome happens. And, your threesome expectations can quickly turn into a girlfriend’s worst nightmare. 

Here’s a collection of questions and concerns that a few women who were in relationships wish they would’ve set straight before their threesome happened. Hopefully, this will help you have a better experience with threesomes. And, most importantly keep your relationship intact after the threesome is done. 


Is it just women allowed? Or are men allowed to be the third person too?


This is due to personal preference. But, it could be something that you want to consider asking. Make sure you both have the same understanding of a threesome before you start. Threesomes that involve two women and one male are most popular- however it’s not the only type of threesome. If you allow another woman to join you two in the bedroom, is he willing to allow another man too? If the answer is no, make sure you are completely comfortable with the idea of him only wanting another female to join your sex life. 

My Opinion: If the answer is no this threesome request may only be for his pleasure and not yours. If you’re not okay with that a threesome may not be the best idea. 

When do they leave? 

Is the third person allowed to stay around for cuddles and a post-sex conversation? If you don’t want this be vocal about it. He will not know if you don’t tell him. 

My Opinion:When that orgasm has come and went- I doubt you want to see your man in bed with another woman. So, make sure the departure time and allowed interaction after sex with the third wheel is clear between you, and your partner.  This is probably the most important detail of a threesome that needs to be agreed on. Therefore, this question should be asked promptly. You must decide if you want to invite a friend (or someone you are familiar with) to bed with you and your boyfriend or would you rather it be with a stranger.  

Is This Threesome a No Friend Zone?


If you both agree on choosing a friend. Be mindful that an emotional connection is lurking between you three. That person isn’t there for justsex. They are there for sex and as a friend doing another friend a favor. No matter what the friends says, strings will be attached. 

Also, this friend will not go away. After the threesome, there’s a likely chance of seeing this person again shortly after. If something goes awkwardly wrong that night, are you sure you’ll be comfortable seeing them again? Or what if everything is perfect, do you honestly trust your boyfriend around them and knowing he has access to them again? 

But, on the bright side of choosing a friend, a friend joining a threesome may make you feel more comfortable. It may be unsettling for you to have a threesome with a complete stranger.

My Opinion: Stay away from friends. It will become too complicated. I’ve witnessed attachment issues, gossiping issues, and infidelity issues from the male with friends that have joined the threesome

A stranger could be a better option. You will know nothing about this person, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Just trust your initial instincts when meeting this individual. After the threesome is done, this person will be out of your lives. You will not have to worry about the news of your threesome spreading or any awkward run-ins. 
But during sex, you may have to worry about this …

Is the Third Person STD/HIV Free?


Don’t forget about safety! This is an extra step, however, it’s worth every bit of effort. Protect you and your partner by making sure the third wheel is STD free. This information could be difficult to obtain if you both decided to take a random stranger home. So, please make sure you use protection. 

My Opinion: Before bringing anyone home decide with your partner if this guideline is a definite yes or no. Will you be comfortable not knowing? If not be clear that no matter what you must see test results, or the threesome will not happen. 


How often will threesomes occur?


You said yes, but maybe that yes wasn’t meant for every night. Men have the tendency to go overboard with anything that involves hormones. Therefore, you both should agree on the frequency that these threesomes will happen- before the first one occurs

My Opinion: Keep the threesomes to a minimum. Too many threesomes will ruin the sexual intimacy between you and your boyfriend. Remind him that this is still a relationship between two people. You don’t want him getting accustomed to having you with someone else all the time. He still needs to appreciate your body and having sex with you alone. 


Who’s Running It?

Meaning the wants and rules from this threesome must be made clear before it begins. There needs to be someone designated to make sure that everything still goes according to plan in the heat of the moment. For example, is kissing allowed with the other female? Is she allowed to penetrate him or just you? Make sure you set boundaries that will keep you comfortable with having the threesome and these boundaries are respected.  

My Opinion: The person in control needs to be you! This threesome may be for your boyfriend’s pleasure, but it would not be happening if you didn’t give the green light. Let him and her know what sexual acts you are comfortable with seeing and having done to you. 

Most importantly, if by chance when the threesome is happening you don’t like how this outsider having sex with you and your man is making you feel- call it off!  Express your concern with your boyfriend immediately after as well. Threesomes can be a ton of fun, but they can also ruin a relationship without correct communication. Take the time to cover these guidelines and spare yourself and relationship the headache. 

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T. Rogers

T. Rogers is a reader by day and writer by night. With over 7 years of content writing, she continues to prevail in her world of sour patch kids, expensive shoes and awkward moments that spark her courage to tell the greatest stories never told.

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