5 Things I Learned from Making the First Move At my previous job, the building had a doorman named Charlie. Charlie was an elderly, and pleasant man that found so much joy in his job. He loved to greet workers and visitors every morning. He also loved to spark a conversation. This building had high foot traffic throughout the day and some people overlooked Charlie, while others (like me) looked forward to a conversation with Charlie daily. Every morning Charlie would listen to me complain about my hopeless love life. In return I would listen to him complain about the trash people left behind. However, one morning Charlie took it upon himself to do more than listen. As I was walked away and headed towards the elevator he yelled out. “Hey girlie! Ya’ know the only reason you’re still single is because you choose to be.” What Charlie!? Were you not listening every morning to these stupid boys I’m stuck dating.
I thought about what he said the entire day at work. Finally, it hit me. He’s absolutely right. I am choosing to be single because I keep choosing to date these losers. I was letting the men I found attractive walk pass me every day without even saying “hi.” It was time I started making the first move and choosing who I wanted.
Who made up the rule that men had to approach women first anyways? Why would women leave so much responsibility in their hands? And just because he doesn’t speak doesn’t mean he’s not interested. After this epiphany, I was disgusted with myself. Here I was promoting the destruction of gender roles, yet I was still complying with this one. My dating life is suffering from it too. That ridiculous behavior ended that day. I started to go after every man I was attracted to. Here’s what I learned from it.
Lesson #1: I’ll Get What I Want
This was by far the most appreciated lesson. I get what I want… I repeat, when you make the first move you will get what you want.Not the short, arrogant companion he’s with that walks over to you licking his lips (gross). By making the first move you will be the one walking over to his crew. Then politely asking the short one to excuse himself, and step aside while you make your way to his tall and hot friend.
When you make the first move this also eliminates all assumptions. You walk over and speak to the guy you want. Hopefully, he’s everything you imagined, and you don’t waste your time. But, if your initial conversation isn’t what you expected, at least you know and won’t spend the whole week uneasy thinking you missed that one opportunity for true love (don’t be ashamed I do that all the time.)
Lesson #2: Men Love It
Most men find it attractive when you make the first move. Think about this from a man’s perspective. Men have constant pressure from family and friends to go out and seek this perfect woman. With social media and the many other social influences involved in dating, the dating world has become difficult. It’s not as easy to maneuver through. Can you imagine their frustration? Having a woman finally approach them is a relief and they find it very attractive. I had a male friend tell me that when a girl makes the first move, she could be a potential girlfriend for him. Her decision to make that move means that she isn’t led by fear and would make a great life partner for him. I had to agree.
Lesson #3: It’s Easy
Honestly, making the first move is not hard or as bad as it may seem. The anxiety and jitters that form before you slide into your crush’s direct messages must be a spell your ex-boyfriend placed on you before you walked out of his life. I promise those feelings of nervousness are unnecessary. Don’t let them take over your mind and keep you from reaching out to the guy you want. Here’s a tip on starting a conversation in direct messages: start with a simple hello and a compliment. I normally compliment fashion, accomplishments, and hair. Men love this attention and he’s certain to respond. Shake those jitters and keep the conversation going.
Lesson #4: Rejection Is Needed
You are undoubtedly beautiful, smart, amazing and more – but sis, you’re not the perfect match for everyone. Sorry to break it to you, but rejection will happen. However, instead of fearing rejection I learned to embrace it. Rejection only helps build your character and prepare you for what is meant to be. I also learned to take instant rejecting as a blessing. I want a guy to be upfront and let me know immediately that he’s not interested. Rather than play with my emotions knowing he’s not interestedand wasting my precious time. Therefore, after I make the first move, if the vibes are off I accept the rejection and happily move on to the next one.
Lesson #5: You’ll Stay Single If You Don’t
Not sure if you noticed this shift in the dating scene yet- but chivalry is dying rapidly. Finding a man that actually courts women without a push is becoming … non-existent. I’ve learned that there are plenty of men waiting for women to make the first move. Some of these men are career forward and dating isn’t their priority. While others are just lazy, and tired of asking women for dates. So, if you want to grab his attention, your only option is to make the first move.
There’s nothing wrong if you prefer sticking to the traditional dating routine of letting the male approach the female first. This is just a PSA that being a female and making the first move is another option and a betteroption most of the time. Rules are always made to be broken. My single spell ended quickly when I decided to break this one and try things my way.